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If you can’t move past the depression, it’s because you’ve become stuck in the negative side of accepting that the relationship is over. If you’re not expressing it and directing it towards yourself plus it’s aggravating the unresolved hurt from the past, it may feel overwhelming and knock you for six.
I came ‘unstuck’ when I faced the ‘new’ and ‘old hurt’.
If you’ve wondered why you keep going back it’s because not only are you trapped in your feelings and seeking validation but if this current hurt is similar to an old hurt, it’s like “Let me avoid dealing with what I need to by trying to control the uncontrollable and attempting to right the wrongs of the past”.
The stages of grief that we go through are part of honouring the good, bad, and indifferent of what we felt, experienced and even hoped for, and are entirely natural and necessary.
Yes remembering is painful but actually, the power to hurt is quite limited and ridding myself of 28 years of pent up hurt, anger, and frustration gave me clarity and calm.
The sky didn’t fall down, my ex skeletons didn’t come back from the unavailable and assclown cemetery to haunt me, and some fresh perspective (support groups, therapy, feelings diaries, unsent letters etc.
In the meantime, looking around me, some people were like Teflon and seemed unbothered (not a good thing it turns out) and then others, would go through difficult breakups and experience other losses and difficulties such as losing a loved one through death, professional struggles etc.
And that’s where I recognise where 1) you get ‘stuck’ and 2) why you ‘can’t’ unblock yourself. To get that life, some seek out women in those countries for marriage. Many Pakistani men come to the US or the UK in search of a better life.I will use the word “foreign” when I speak of the women who the Pakistani men prey on.Many of those women want to marry a Pakistani man because most of them seem kind, sweet, charming, and debonair. The woman sees him as the man of her dreams, as he tends to treat her like a princess.
Many people have been in my situation wondering: Why am I still stuck hurting?